Scappleface: No Substitute Fertilizer for Freedom

Thank you, soldiers.

As the United States marks Memorial Day, recognizing those who sacrificed their lives in service to the country, scientists worldwide admit they are likely years away from discovering a “fertilizer for freedom” as effective as the blood of American troops.
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“Where diplomacy falters, and negotiations fail, where evil reigns, and fear makes men’s arms hang limp, yet hope rises and moves in measure with the beating of American hearts. The soil of barren lands seems to cry out for this peerless nutrient. And we continue to marvel that volunteers still step forward to pledge their own blood for a cause whose accomplishment might await their last drop of devotion.”