Thinking? Stop it!

I've been cranking for some time over the proliferation of televisions in restaurants and shops. Sure, the local bar & grill or Mom & Pop's Corner Diner has always had a TV on, and I admit it goes with the setting. And if I wanted to watch a big screen with my Bud Light and beer nuts, I could go to the nearest sports bar. But then Target and Wal-Mart realized they could get non-stop commercial airtime by hanging TVs from the ceilings in the aisles. Our neighborhood Culvers and McDonalds put them up them in every corner to make sure no one had to talk to their children or friends while they eat. Now the Holiday gas station near us plays "fuel-casts" on the pumps, with local news and weather highlights and, of course, more commercials. My latest discovery is that our local Wal-Mart is no longer satisfied that you're getting enough commercials while you're shopping, so they've added TVs at the checkout aisles.

I was never a fan of 3rd Rock from the Sun, but I once saw part of an episode where the aliens discovered TV. Glassy-eyed, one of them said, "This is amazing. I haven't had a thought in my head for about four hours."

I realize TVs in the marketplace are just a natural outgrowth (as in tumor) of the non-stop media. We've become a nation of overstimulated oafs who don't know what to do with our brains if there is isn't a TV feeding us music videos or news tickers. The marketplace has become endless noise. I can't indulge in a second of private thought, even to ask myself if I forgot to buy something. The old audio distractions like muzak and "Attention, shoppers!" announcements, even the Menards jingle heard for the fiftieth time in ten minutes, were tolerable. But TV commercials that are not content to stay in the corner of your eye but insist on being in front of you is like having a pushy robotic salesman in your face the moment you walk in the door.

It's offensive that retailers need to invade your consciousness whenever you stop thinking about them for a moment. I've had enough and I'm making a plan to fight it:

1. I sit out the "fuel-cast" in my car while the pump is running. (Don't worry, I always ground myself on the door to avoid making a spark. Sheesh.)
2. I look away from the annoying TVs at the checkout aisles.
3. I won't eat at a restaurant where I can't sit away from a TV.
4. I'll do as much Christmas shopping as possible online, where I can turn down the volume and think, or maybe play my own music.

These are all symbolic gestures, though. What I really, really want is a weapon, namely one of these:

http://www.tvbgone.com





Is this cool or what? A universal "off" button! Imagine being able to surreptitiously turn off the TV at a restaurant so you and your friends could actually talk while you eat. Imagine leaving with quips from a conversation playing in your head instead of commercial jingles or network bumpers. Imagine being able to think while you're out shopping.

Read what the inventors of the TV-Be-Gone say about it. These are people after my own heart!

Q. Why would one want to live without TV?

A. Because watching TV takes time, and time is precious. There are so many things to do that are fun, healthy, relaxing, and good for your social life! Some people find themselves watching TV when they don't really want to. Have you ever found yourself doing this?


Q. What do you mean when you say that TV-B-Gone® is an environmental management device?

A. The sounds and images from TV that constantly bombard us everywhere we go have a powerful effect on us. Through repetition, we remember the many messages about ourselves and our world that we receive from this potent medium. We may feel better if we have the ability to manage our environment, the impressions that we are exposed to, allowing us to more easily create our own messages and ideas.

I want one of these for Christmas, if I can wait that long. Let the Great Turn-Off begin!

My first target will be the "fuel-cast."