The Ultimate Answer

And it came to pass after seven and a half million years of relentless computing that Deep Thought, the second greatest computer in all of time and space, announced the Ultimate Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything.


And the answer was ...

... was ...



Now that the ultimate answer was known, the people realized they did not know what the ultimate question was. And so Deep Thought designed another computer, greater than itself, to derive the ultimate question.



After ten million years, the question came:



Yes! It is the year of the Ultimate Answer for me! (Those who still don't get the joke can brush up on The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy here.)

I had some fun with this at work Friday. I set out a plate of brownies with the above Hitchhiker's Guide clue and invited my co-workers to guess the "ultimate question." The winner got the prize brownie, inspired by Douglas Adams' 42 puzzle:



My wife asked me this morning why I'd advertise my age. I don't normally announce my birthday - it was just an excuse to have a little fun with the number 42, and besides, I'm really not ashamed of it.

The truth is, I don't feel 42. Not even close. I don't think 42. I'm more like 21, two times over. One of my co-workers says I'm more like ten and a half, four times over. I'll go with that.

Narcissistic literary references aside, I am glad to know that the real ultimate answer is not a number, but a person. That the Creator of this incredible universe loved a pitiful human creature and sent His own Son to open the gates of Heaven for me is no farce. He paid the admission fee that I couldn't afford, a spiritual death, then He went in ahead of me. Now the ultimate question is: Will I follow Him? And I have to answer it every day.

There's a deep thought worth anyone's time.

Happy 38th Birthday, Frederic!

Last Friday some good friends of ours hosted a "Pirates of Penzance Leap Year Party." We watched the 1983 movie version of the Gilbert & Sullivan operetta starring Kevin Kline, Rex Smith, Linda Rondstadt, and Angela Lansbury. We've seen the movie before, but this was the most fun we've ever had with it, watching with a group of families, themed foods (Pirate Sherry, H.M.S. Pineapple, etc.), and kids in pirate costumes. Thanks to the Internet, we had librettos onhand, very helpful when following Gilbert & Sullivan's signature warp-speed lyrical trains. The math teacher in our group was particularly impressed with this verse:

I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I am teeming with a lot o’ news –
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.

I’m very good at integral and differential calculus;
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

Come to think of it, a dictionary might have been handy too.

If you're unfamiliar with the story of The Pirates of Penzance and its connection with leap year, here's a teaser: The story is about a young man named Frederic, who as a boy was supposed to have been apprenticed to a pilot of a seafaring ship, but his hearing-impaired nursemaid misunderstood and apprenticed him to a pirate. But Frederic, duty-bound to the point of absurdity, honored his commitment and served the pirates until he turned twenty-one, when he left his pirate band and set out to rid the world of piracy. He falls in love with Mabel, a daughter of the major-general, and life is looking up until his former pirate commander returns and informs Frederic that his contract with the pirates was to be effective until his twenty-first birthday. Having been born in leap year on February 29, Frederic has really had only five birthdays. His sense of duty compels him reluctantly to rejoin the pirates, promising to return to marry Mabel in 63 years.

There are many more hilarious subplots, like the pirates' leniency toward orphans and the policemens' fear of police work that I haven't even mentioned here.

Anyway, according to the story, Frederic's twenty-first birthday was to be in 1940, meaning February 29, 2008 was Frederic's 38th, so Friday night's party concluded with a "Happy Birthday Frederic" birthday cake.

Regarding the movie itself, I am baffled as to why it has never been released on DVD. (Especially given the volumes of outright garbage for miniscule niche audiences you can buy on home video.) Kevin Kline's agility and comic timing steal the show, and Rex Smith and Linda Rondstadt give the best performances of their careers. I was among those who never guessed either of them had it in them, but boy, can they sing! (Rondstadt can't act, but the show is so well-written she doesn't have to.) And the acrobatic dancing is amazing and just plain fun to watch.

On the off chance United Artists pays attention to online petitions, you can voice your support for a DVD release of the 1983 version of Pirates here. They've already missed the chance for a 25th-anniversary edition. Frederic's 40th birthday will be in 2016. I hope they don't wait that long.

When the DVD is released, I will be among the first to buy it, pop it in, and switch on the subtitles. God bless the person who evidently captured a broadcast in wide-screen with subtitles and posted these numbers on YouTube:

A Modern Major-General



When a Felon's Not Engaged in His Employment


A Paradox


It Really Doesn't Matter (Don't blink)


When the Foeman Bares His Steel


With Cat-like Tread


I wish one of these included the slow-motion tumbling during "Sighing softly to the river." We backed that up and watched that a few extra times.

For a rousing, frequently gut-bustingly funny bit of classic family entertainment, don't wait for the next February 29. Buy it while you can still buy VHS, rent it before the rental store's copy wears out, or before I rent it and "forget" to return it.